Thinking with You
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Relationships.life

Dating.Marriage.Motherhood

Single Christian female?

When I was 17, I moved from a small town to the big city and thought I knew everything.  Nearly 20 years later, I now realise how young and naïve I was, and I often wonder – If I’d been just a bit more savvy, would it have taken me this long to get where I wanted to be?   I think the answer to that is a big, fat NO.  Hence this blog.  I want to help YOU – the single Christian female trying to figure out how to be ‘normal’, ‘successful’ and loved in this confusing era of ball-busting, overachieving, and playing the game.

 Now let me be straight with you.  This is not going to be a politically-correct, nuanced, philosophical blog.  This is me telling you in my usual blunt fashion how to stop any destructive behaviours and start some constructive ones that will get you what you want: TO GET MARRIED.  I’m not going to pull any punches.  This is not for the faint-hearted.  This will come across to you as anti-feminist and anti-modern.  If you are young, you may not appreciate this blog – so off you go and get your Masters degree, work your guts out and travel the world.  I hope you find it fulfilling and fun (as I did), and I hope that you don’t end up 30+, burnt out and single (like me). But if you are really keen to get help now, this is the blog for you.

So what makes me qualified to unveil some harsh realities and offer you some bold suggestions? Two things: education and experience. I’m a high-school teacher with degrees in Education, Ministry and Counselling, and for almost two decades have found myself in mentoring or pastoral roles for girls aged 15-30. Time and time again, the same issues come up for these girls, so in the hope to answer their questions and my own, I’ve read hundreds of books to help me understand the human psyche and the human story, many of them focusing on behavioural psychology, marriage and relationships and family dynamics. I’ve grappled with the incongruence of the feminine pathways offered to women these days and questioned all sorts of pastors, counsellors, and professors on these matters. And I’ve searched the Scriptures to ascertain God’s plan for women and family, and find Biblical principles that instruct women in the best course of action.

But perhaps more compellingly, I have walked this road for myself. Currently, my husband, son and I are based in Queensland (Australia) where we are surrounded by beaches and beautiful views. We live somewhat of an idyllic life and are so happy with our situation. But I wasn’t always here. I know the loneliness and the fear of being consistently single. I know the weariness of trying to ‘put yourself out there’, and the depression of repeatedly failing to get your needs met. And I know the frustration with God and with men when you just don’t understand why ‘nothing’ seems to be happening for you. I’ve been there, sister. Christian dating?  Man, that was exhausting.  Share-housing?  Did that, for 17 years!  Climbing the corporate ladder?  Tried that.  Church burnout, changing churches, questioning everything?  Yep, been there.  And finally, after a lot of changes in my life, I got married at the age of 34 and had my first child at 36.  Praise the Lord!

As I post more blogs over the months, I hope that my experience can perhaps teach or encourage you in some small way to achieve your goals.  ‘Cause let’s be honest, if you’re like 99% of Christian girls, your goals are:

·      To no longer being seated at the singles table at weddings.

·      For people to stop asking you ‘So, any guys on the scene?’

·      For relatives to stop telling you ‘You should really think about freezing your eggs.’

·      To be allowed to have sex.

·      To stop being treated like the church slave.

·      To have your own place where you don’t have to worry about your room-mate bringing her boyfriend over 24/7 to eat your food, decimate your bathroom and watch loud movies.

·      To not have to rely on Netflix to fulfil your emotional needs.

·      To stop being ‘the strong one’.

·      To have financial support so you can stay home and bake cookies (YES).

If any of these resonate with you, you’ve come to the right place.  I will be blogging on so many of these topics, and I’m keen to answer your questions and give you solid tips so that these goals can become a reality.  I’d love to hear your comments and questions below. We can do this!